Last week, Julie called while I was at the office and asked me to please stop by Wal-Mart and pick up some diapers for Lawton. She even gave me the particular brand and model, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, if you have never bought them before. I believe in competition, but you could write a thesis on diaper purchasing. It was like looking at an Ice Cream Buffet, knowing you want some Ice Cream and trying to determine what Ice Cream you were going to buy. SO much selection, Huggies, Pampers, GoodNites, Luvs, Fisher Price, BumGenius, Bambo, – WOW what a selection of manufacturers! And if you are bored, search the manufacturer and look at all of the sellers; Walgreens.com, Daipers.com, Drugstore.com, Toys R Us, Target, Diapers4less-store.com, and many, many more!!! Anyway, my mission was to pickup Pampers Swaddlers, it seemed like such a simple request. I found them, NOW I was forced to determine the count – geese, and you think they only solve for X in math class. Most of the trips to the store for my wife, I am forced to solve for X. I located the correct manufacturer and the model – NOW the count, did I need 32, 88, 128, jumbo pack, economy plus pack, – WOW. I even found myself calculating the cost per diaper savings as I bought in volume and I thought to myself, they are just diapers and they are all a waste of money, LITERALLY. We will put them on him, he will defecate in them, and we will take them off and throw them in the trash. We will put them on him, he will urinate all over himself, and we will take them off and throw them in the trash. More thought ensued, we will throw thousands of these away, they aren’t free, that is the same as throwing thousands of dollars away, and she complains when I buy a remote control helicopter because I thought it would be fun for the kids – Wow, Just WOW. Imagine a real life math problem. Mom sends dad to the store to buy diapers. Mom gives dad the make and model of diapers to be purchased. We will be solving for X, X will be the count that dad buys. You might need more information, like dad is a bargain shopper, or dad is in a hurry, or dad is a packrat, or dad doesn’t want to come back this year, or dad has very little money, or dad has a bottomless credit card, all of these variables will come into play. NOW that is a math problem. In theory, kids are very enjoyable to make, God made it that way so we would want to make them, I love making them, I would like a job where all I had to do was make them, but then I would end up in a collection service and never get to see live action, on second thought, scratch that wanting to make them for a living. Taking care of them and paying for them is another story! And buying diapers requires preparation, education, and experience, kind of like everything else in life! I would rather go and buy a car or house than go back and buy diapers. I have a greater appreciation for things that Julie does, I just cant help but think she got the short end of the stick in our arrangement – literally as well!
Tommy Milligan, Short and Spiky